Beggars Beyond Belief: Meeting Dame Gillian Lynne.

Due to the incredibly ridiculous nature of my job as a celebrity gossip-er, I often find myself attending the ludicrous and speaking to the bonkers.

This week was no different to that, in fact I really think I’ve out-randomed myself. And this comes from someone who owns Pauline Fowler’s Blankety Blank badge, a bottle of Dan Akroyd’s vodka, once interviewed Status Quo in a Wetherspoons and Hi-de-hi’s Paul Shane in a back room of Barnsley Leisure Centre while he sat in a garden chair next to an enormous sack of crisps.

The top ten most random celebrity moments I’ve found myself in the middle of is a pretty tight contest. But on Wednesday night there was a new contender in town.

“Dear Lisa,

Hope you are well.

Dame Gillian Lynne would like to invite you to the Garrick Club on Wednesday 9th April, from 5.30 – 7pm where she will be making a special announcement, sharing the secrets behind her remarkable vitality and longevity.

This special event will be attended by some close friends in the industry including amongst others; Arlene Phillips, Sir Cameron Mackintosh, Dame Monica Mason, Tamara Rojo, Michael Ball and Elaine Paige.

As most of you will know, Gillian has had a remarkable career spanning seven decades, beginning as a much acclaimed ballerina in the 40′s, going on to direct/choreograph over 50 West End and Broadway musicals, 11 feature films, award winning television drama and numerous television specials. She is best known for her collaborations with Andrew
Lloyd Webber and Cameron Mackintosh, and her ground breaking work on Cats and The Phantom of The Opera.

Dame Gillian continues to be as busy as ever in her 88th year, with a new ballet premiering this autumn and several other projects spanning through 2015.

Please do join us for this unique event.”

Ooh – I thought – WHAT COULD SHE BE LAUNCHING???????????? No, actually, I thought ‘Mmm they sound like good people to go and speak to and it fits in with the other job I’ve got later so might as well pop along and see what the Garrick Club is like as they still won’t let women be members so be nice to go and swipe my boobs on the doors or spray perfume in the toilets.’

So I go along and am led up to this tiny room stuffed with oldies and poshies and stare-y women, with about thirty massive paintings of earls and lords (the olden day LADS). I search among the grey crowd and see Arlene Phillips and a gaggle of skinny old ladies in baggy jumpers with scrunchies in their hair. But which one is Dame Gillian? There are quite a few that could be her so in the absence of recognising any PRs I just go for the old ‘mooch and eavesdrop’ – a honed technique diarists use where you lip read or pootle over to the loudest chatters and see if they are with who you’re looking for. CLUE: If someone immediately stares back at you, or eats Japanese cracker from the canape bowls, it’s NOT A CELEBRITY.

Finally the announcement comes, so I rest easy. A sprightly Dame Gillian, who looks a lot like a softer (nicer) version of Dame Maggie Smith, shushes everyone and her husband Peter Land, a sort of sexageneraian Richard E Grant, introduces LONGEVITY THROUGH EXERCISE: THE DVD. Slamming my champagne glass down I grabbled for my iPhone to capture what was about to come on a TV screen fixed behind the pair of them.

What the frig?

What the frig?

Here is Dame Gillian lunging

Here is Dame Gillian lunging

A fitness DVD, by an 88-year-old, in a members club that doesn’t allow women.

Yes – this is top ten material.

Dame Gillian is stood on a pathway stretching and limbering and showing off her incredible agility while telling us to “put your buttocks right up in the air, that’s it, riiiight up”. Well it’s alright for her, she’s been doing this for SEVEN decades. After five more minutes of eye-watering viewing, husband Peter, a classical actor don’t you know, then asked everyone to toast to his wife’s longevity, which was lovely, yet creepy. It felt a bit like we were all supposed to raise a glass to someone who should not be here still but is because they can still do the splits, which is creepy, right? Dame Gillian herself was pretty awesome. She’s got pins in her feet and two metal hips but she told me afterwards that “the word retirement should be removed from the dictionary.”

What a woman.

What a head fuck.

SSxx

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celebrity gossip

Red carpet woes

I reckon I’ve done three trillion red carpets which accounts for about 7000000000 minutes stood up and squished in a claustrophobic pen of celebrity doom. This week was no different, as I trotted to the Captain America film premiere, Empire Film Awards, Noah film premiere and The Other Woman film premiere. It’s been a heady Hollywood whirlwind full of sweat, blood and tears. From screaming for Phillip Schofield’s attention at Captain America only to be told we weren’t allowed to speak to anyone else apart from “the film talent” (and then not getting to actually interview “the film talent”), to being told off by Emma Watson’s publicist for listening to an interview going on right next to me – and I mean mere centimetres away – to spending ten hours of my life being squawked at by Alex Zane whose job is now Film Premiere Introducerer, it’s been a blast. Here are the pics:

Samuel L Jackson doing a selfie and bringing the world down a notch.

Samuel L Jackson doing a selfie and bringing the world down a notch.

Scar-ho

Scar-ho

Barmy Arnie

Barmy Arnie

Cruise control pants

Cruise control pants

Simon Says No

Simon Says No

Russell Crow's Feet

Russell Crow’s Feet

Hello, weird action man

Hello, weird action man

Arnie, loving my bants

Arnie, loving my bants

Cameron Diazapan

Cameron Diazapan

Oh and for anyone wondering – this is how you “do” red carpet posing. By Kate Upton:

Kate Upton moving once

Kate Upton moving once

twice

twice

three times a lady

three times a lady (slashmodelslashactresslashwrists)

And THIS is how you do red carpet perving. By Balding Photographers:

celebrity gossip

The highlight of all this was being able to April Fool a bunch of friends, telling them Russell Crowe had chatted me up at the Noah film premiere after party, and that he had then text me the next morning, saying “hey kid, stay cool, Rx.” He’d also been touching my bum the whole night. Hahahaha! They fell for it until quarter to noon. WIN.

Friday treat:

celebrity gossip

 

SSxx

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celebrity gossip

Highs and Lows at the NME awards 2014…

AFTER the dull pop drivel at the Brit Awards last week, rock and roll’s finest made sure last night’s NME Awards went with a bang (and that’s not just my head although I have had to bang it on a pillar to make sure I’m still awake).

Here was the red carpet, for example. Rammed.

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Heading up the bash, held at London’s O2 Brixton Academy, were Blondie – who won the Godlike Genius award and performed an eight-song ear-splitting set, and Sir Paul McCartney who received the Songwriters’ Songwriter award. Debbie Harry, who chose the night to announce that Blondie are to play Glastonbury Festival this year, looked incredible. She’s 68 and was in this kaftan-y monochrome striped dress and her face is just so beautiful. Those cheekbones! She told Showbiz Sludge:
“I thought they were having me on when they said we’d got a Godlike Genius award. Although I’m a goddess, not a god.” Indeed you are. Look at her with her incredible hair just so BLONDE! And yes they are long strips of clip on hair. Who cares it’s Debbie Harry!

celebrity gossip

BLONDiE’s Debbie Harry. copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

celebrity gossip. copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

What a woman.
Debbie Harry NME Awards 2014
copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Atomic shoes. copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Sir Thumbsaloft said he was thrilled to be at the awards for a music magazine that has been “going longer than I have!” Ho ho ho. Damon Albore presented Macca with his Songwriter’s Songwriter trophy and sounded like he had spent the day meditating when he spoke about the Beatles legend. ““I love him like millions and millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of other people. He’s a really lovely spirit and wonderful human being.” Oh shut up.

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Macca winning NME Award 2014. copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

The most offending part of the night was Lily Allen winning….I can’t bring myself to even say it….Best Solo Artist.

WHAT.

Even she was shocked:

celebrity gossip. copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Whatever happened to pretending that these things don’t actually revolve around whoever they can get to turn up?!

She beat Paul McCartney to this award, and DAVID. BOWIE. Yes, DAVID. BOWIE.

D A V I D. B O W I E.

DAVID!!!!!
BOWIE!!!!!!

The only way to deal with it is to change the subject. Lovely Shane Meadows collected a prize for Made of Stone – The Stone Roses documentary that I’m a bit of a fan of (followers of this blog will know all about this!) Shane was still getting people wanting to tell him how great he is at 2am in the morning. Surprisingly I refrained this one time.

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Shane Meadows in a heart. copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Blondie at NME Awards after party 2014 copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Blondie at NME Awards after party 2014 copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

The after party held at Sketch in Piccadilly was a sight. After queueing for half an hour and being told it was “absolutely full up darling it’s going to take a while to get anybody else in” I snuck in with The Horrors and The Voice star – me old China – Jamie Lovatt and discovered it was hardly full at all. Busy, but not at capacity. Haim were doing a DJ set playing 90s rnb and I thought at one point I’d been slipped something as I saw footballer Peter Crouch and Abbey Clancy worryingly close to actual music heroes Zak Starkey and Johnny Marr while Destiny’s Child Bootilicious was blasting away. Carl Barat was lofting around in a grey military jacket possibly faded since the time he was last relevant and I left Jamie smashing up glass on the floor to Britney Spears. Over and out.

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

HAIM Djing at Sketch, NME Awards 2014 after party copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Me and Jamie Lovatt NME Awards after party 2014 copywright: ShowbizSludge.com

Other pics from the night including Jerry Hall, Haim, John Cooper Clarke…

SSxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

celebrity gossip

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Pitt Me With Your Rhythm Stick: a bit of the BAFTAs 2014

Just over a week since the Film BAFTAs 2014 and I’m finally thawed out from a three hour red carpet to bring you the celebrity gossip and pics…the highlight of this year was by far and wide was the arrival of Brad Pitt and his missus Angelina Jolie. They were unexpected guests on the list and so were greeted with piercing screams from both fans and journalists at London’s Royal Opera House. Ow.

celebrity gossip

Brangelina surprise

The only other person to get as loud a fuss was Leonardo Di Caprio who turned up alongside Tom Hanks, Amy Adams, Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Dame Helen Mirren, Cate Blanchett, Michael Fassbender…Hollywood turned itself out all fancy for us and it was a great night with lots of wins for Brits..blah blah blah. OK lets cut the crap – Here are a million photos of Brad Pitt:

Click to view pics:

celebrity gossip Brad Pitt

Pittstare

celebrity gossip Brad Pitt

Pittstyle

Brad Pitt celebrity gossip

Pittbot

celebrity gossip Brad Pitt

EscapePitt

There was a hush as he came backstage to talk to us after 12 Years A Slave, of which he was a producer of and also starred in, won Best Film. Brad stood on the end of a line of bearded men all meek and polite and swoonful. Someone from the Daily Star asked him a convoluted question about whether his good looks and famous ladyfriend distract from his important political film work and that if so it must be really annoying right like you must be FUMING ALL THE TIME and about to spill all to a group of press guzzlers??! Well Brad walked up to the microphone and answered with two words. “Fuck it.”

Nice one.

Here’s some more pics from the night:

celebrity gossip

Lupita Nyong’o

celebrity gossip

Steve McQueen

celebrity goscelebrity gossipsip

Helen McCrory

celebrity gossip

Juliet Stevenson

celebrity gossip

Fassbender legging it in before Prince William arrives

celebrity gossip

Lily Allen. WHY?

Oh and I got the Director of Best Bullshit Detector award. I thanked my mum and John in the paper shop.

celebrity gossip

BAFTA win

SSxx

celebrity gossip

When Celebrities Go Bad Again (and again and again and again…)

Celebrity = celebrate the shitty.

Today writer/philosopher Alain De Boton tweeted “Celebrity: the urge to be loved by strangers should be treated as a mental illness like any other (believe me).”

This is a lovely introduction to tell you about my latest encounters with them shlebs. Last week I witnessed shocking behaviour from two difference famooses and it was just lovely. It really warmed my week. The first, a well-known older singer, was helping herself to a bottle of wine at the South Bank Awards when I went over for a chat. Her husband/agent (gotta love a husband-slash-agent) intervened and asked if I was from the Daily Mail (a common Q from celeb to journalist). I politely said I wasn’t, to which the said singer snapped, ‘Oh but you’re STILL A JOURNALIST!!!’ with a face like a badgers slapped arse. ‘Yes, and I’m a human don’t you know!’ I smile-said back, before biting my tongue and forcing a marvellous interview out of my foaming mouth.

Next up we got Jared Leto, whose merry encounter with the great British press has been all over Twitter and in the papers. Squished up in a press pen (of which you know I am a huge fan of) at the London Dallas Buyers Club premiere, a gaggle of reporters were waiting for the arrival of Leto and Hollywood meatwithfeeling superstar Matthew McConaughey for a good hour or so. As the long-haired, stetson-wearing Leto stalked down the red carpet talking to the video cameras then the radio teams as per the premiere schedule, a PR representative came over to tell us grubby print pressers that “Jared wants to let you know that if you go to shake his hand, he won’t shake it back. It’s not that he doesn’t want YOUR germs, it’s that he doesn’t want you to catch his.”

WHAT?

I mean, I’ve had to suffer some nauseating requests from celebrities in my time, but a germ-swap-prevention-order? WTF? Nobody ever shakes hands on press pens, it would take too long, he knows this, what is he doing? Of course he could be genuinely concerned that we might all go home with a fever after groping his sick sticky perfect paws, but crazy as it sounds, I’ve got a hunch he’s just trying to make us all aware of his importance. I know, WEIRD RIGHT?!

Big badass Jared

Big badass Jared

That wasn’t the end of it. Jared comes over all stare-y and glare-y and moans that he’d rather just do one big press conference rather than individual chats. Meh. And then he leaves us all gasping as he tells a fellow journo off for texting in his presence (she wasn’t).

“Are you texting?” [No she's not]

“Who are you texting?” [None of your biz, longlocks]

“That better be your boyfriend.” [weird and creepy]

“Jeez Louise.” [Ok are we still in MySoCalledLife who even says that?]

“That’s like texting and driving.” [Ridiculous analogy]

“I was going to use the opportunity to storm off and end this early, but I was too tired.” [WOW]

He then said the hardest thing about the film, in which he plays a HIV-positive drag queen and lost 30Ibs for, was “doing this press line.”

GO CELEBRITIES!

***********

Sometimes two famous people from opposite polar regions of the celebsphere meet. And when I say opposite, I mean opposite. At the National Television Awards a few weeks ago TOWIE’s James ‘Arg’ Argent went over to Chris ‘I’m fucking sick of Mr. Big’ Noth. I thought it was funny to capture such a lightening bolt moment as I stood there waiting for Phillip Schofield et al.

Chris 'Mr. Big' Noth meets James 'Arg' Argent.

Chris ‘Mr. Big’ Noth meets James ‘Arg’ Argent.

 

Ummmmm

Ummmmm

 

Na na na na na mate er I'm on this fing called TOWIE where I walk around and talk and stuff

Na na na na na mate er I’m on this fing called TOWIE where I walk around and talk and stuff

I love how the guy in the background (I’m guessing he is with Arg) is intrigued, then bored, then thrilled!

Poor old Mr Big:

Well what the fuck was that?

Well what the fuck was that?

*********

Oh and this guy turned up with Nick Grimshaw dressed as a pizza. He said if he dressed as a pizza he’d get in without a ticket. To the National Television Awards. At the o2. How subversive.

I Am Pizza Hear Me Roar

I Am Pizza Hear Me Roar

***********

A final thought: I’ve just been emailed a press release from Paddy Power:

“Following the news of the previously squeaky clean Selena Gomez becoming the most recent Disney star to enter rehab, Paddy Power have started taking bets on which Disney darling will be next to waltz their way down the slippery slope.
It seems as though rehab is where the magic happens these days for past Mickey Mouse members and the bookies have Miley Cyrus at 8/1 to twerk her way to therapy. It is also 8/1 for Zac Efron to complete a second stint and 6/1 for high-lo LiLo to be re-admitted.
A Paddy Power spokesperson said: “Whether it’s a mad hatter tea party gone wrong or if they’re feeling sleepy, sneezy or dopey it is 7/4 for the middle Jo bro and 3/1 for LeBouf to be the next Disney star to heigh ho heigh ho off to rehab.”

Just.
Amazing.

SSxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

celebrity gossip

The Grammy’s 2014 videos!

So last night was weird. America went a bit mental. Here are the The Grammy’s 2014 videos you need to watch. Beyon-HAYGIRLHAY and Gizz-Z kicked things off with their shexsy song Drunk In Love. Watch this video and try not to just look at her butt the whole way through. Incredible.

The other good one was Pharrell, Nile Rogers, Daft Punk AND STEVIE WONDER singing Get Lucky. It’s a bit weird when both Stevie and Pharrell sing together, like it should be a thousand times easier on the ear but it’s not…but then Mr Wonder pipes up massive at the end. I also feel like the set could have been a bit better but hey whatevs.

The other performances were horrible including Katy Perry’s goth hip hop shite.

But then Macca got up and performed with Ringo Starr! Oh, it was that shite song that he’s released at the moment called Queenie Eye. Terrible tune. Especially the chorus, which is just a nursery rhyme. I mean – wtf?! And don’t get me started on the music video which features the worst acting from every famous actor ever. BUT OK he’s a ledge, and it’s TWO of the Beatles together!!

That Lorde girl got all freaked and sang her song Royals. Anyone know why this song is so popular?! No nor me.

No Katy Perry NO! What is that outfit???!!

This is just weird:

Oh and Madonna sang a bit of one of her songs – in the oddest song collaboration ever as loads of gay couples got married during the performance. I’m sorry but Madge walking out with a cane is one of the funniest things ever. And her voice!!!! What is going on?! I need a lie down and it’s only 11.17am.

SSxx

crosby2.jpg

celebrity gossip

Noel’s Look Back In Anger (sorry)

The Bad Interview this week is being subsided for something a little bit different. The funniest thing I’ve seen so far this week is Noel Gallagher looking back at Oasis videos from time gone by. Take a look and listen to his moaning.

Absolute hero.

Watch below!

SSxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

celebrity gossip